It's come to my awareness that everything that comes into our field (physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally), are all serving as tools for our personal transformation on this incredibly intricate grid.
I was chatting with my girl friend the other day about how watching fear-induced films, or even the trauma we take on via social media (getting cyber bullied), has a detrimental impact on our mental health.
Our body spits out stress hormones in the case of survival. Your body doesn't know the difference between you witnessing someone get chased on a drama film or you actually getting chased by a predator.
Why is this meaningful?
You are signaling your brain that you are getting attacked (weather you are watching a movie or not) and therefore your body is in a constant state of worry or fear.
The stress shower began when I submitted to watching the 1992 Basic Instinct, an erotic thriller film featuring the seductive temptress Sharon Stone and Michael Douglass. My boyfriend turned it on. The title sounded appealing and I am a fan of 90s movies (I am a 90s baby and everything within that era appeals to me), the scene opened with an erotic sex scene, my Scorpio nature was hooked in.
I became the prey in a mind of predators.
I'm looking back at this blog draft, its been 9 months since I initially had this stress-provoking experience. I've had a deeper attention to understanding why I am turned off (or should I say turned on) to these experiences on a subconscious level.
You may be addicted to the stress or pain and you don't even know it. It's taken time for me to take inventory on my experiences and investigate my behaviors with compassion and acceptance.
This may seem extreme to take it this far (it was just a movie), but there is much meaning in my experience. So much that it has me typing this at 1 AM to shift and release this energy (a stress response to old behaviors I'm working through).
We had erotic sex midway through the movie, and a part of me is sure that looking back on it, was a total trauma response to the side of me that was addicted to the stress, eroticisms and the pleasure pain principle.
I sat beneath Father Sky and the Great Mother entwining me from all directions, I lit my tobacco and asked for their attention, most of all, I asked for forgiveness. Sure, there are worse things to be forgiven for than watching a trauma-induced movie, but it triggered something in me for a reason. A reason of recognition. Recognition of myself, my emotions, my behaviors and my response to those behaviors.
After watching and opening discussing with my partner about this agreement we both mutually signed into (another way of me saying turning on a drama that fed both of our pain bodies simultaneously), we decided to watch movies and docs that are educational and empowering, HAHA!
Stress and adversity open the door to change and growth.
This experience has allowed me to look at where I have a tendency to suppress my emotions, and rather than "stuff my feelings" with sex, food, or movies, I can choose to REFLECT and TRUST my process.
You can choose to recognize your relationships, and stress responses' influence on your energetic body and observe the experience with patience. It's not about getting rid of it, but rather integrating and becoming the observer.
"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."―Haruki Murakami
Be gentle on yourself. Sometimes my mind has a tendency to skip ahead a few steps but then I have gratitude for the step that I am standing on right now, this is the most important step of all because I am here right now! How liberating, right!?
Feed the animal in you which brings you joy and pleasure! Anything less is a dis-service to yourself. Take intentional action on things which are serving your greatness... you're a star!!!