September 23, 2021No Comments

Are You Addicted to Stress?

It's come to my awareness that everything that comes into our field (physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally), are all serving as tools for our personal transformation on this incredibly intricate grid.

I was chatting with my girl friend the other day about how watching fear-induced films, or even the trauma we take on via social media (getting cyber bullied), has a detrimental impact on our mental health.

Our body spits out stress hormones in the case of survival. Your body doesn't know the difference between you witnessing someone get chased on a drama film or you actually getting chased by a predator.

Why is this meaningful?

You are signaling your brain that you are getting attacked (weather you are watching a movie or not) and therefore your body is in a constant state of worry or fear.

The stress shower began when I submitted to watching the 1992 Basic Instinct, an erotic thriller film featuring the seductive temptress Sharon Stone and Michael Douglass. My boyfriend turned it on. The title sounded appealing and I am a fan of 90s movies (I am a 90s baby and everything within that era appeals to me), the scene opened with an erotic sex scene, my Scorpio nature was hooked in.

I became the prey in a mind of predators.

I'm looking back at this blog draft, its been 9 months since I initially had this stress-provoking experience. I've had a deeper attention to understanding why I am turned off (or should I say turned on) to these experiences on a subconscious level.

You may be addicted to the stress or pain and you don't even know it. It's taken time for me to take inventory on my experiences and investigate my behaviors with compassion and acceptance.

This may seem extreme to take it this far (it was just a movie), but there is much meaning in my experience. So much that it has me typing this at 1 AM to shift and release this energy (a stress response to old behaviors I'm working through).

We had erotic sex midway through the movie, and a part of me is sure that looking back on it, was a total trauma response to the side of me that was addicted to the stress, eroticisms and the pleasure pain principle.

I sat beneath Father Sky and the Great Mother entwining me from all directions, I lit my tobacco and asked for their attention, most of all, I asked for forgiveness. Sure, there are worse things to be forgiven for than watching a trauma-induced movie, but it triggered something in me for a reason. A reason of recognition. Recognition of myself, my emotions, my behaviors and my response to those behaviors.

After watching and opening discussing with my partner about this agreement we both mutually signed into (another way of me saying turning on a drama that fed both of our pain bodies simultaneously), we decided to watch movies and docs that are educational and empowering, HAHA!

Stress and adversity open the door to change and growth.

This experience has allowed me to look at where I have a tendency to suppress my emotions, and rather than "stuff my feelings" with sex, food, or movies, I can choose to REFLECT and TRUST my process.

You can choose to recognize your relationships, and stress responses' influence on your energetic body and observe the experience with patience. It's not about getting rid of it, but rather integrating and becoming the observer.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."―Haruki Murakami

Be gentle on yourself. Sometimes my mind has a tendency to skip ahead a few steps but then I have gratitude for the step that I am standing on right now, this is the most important step of all because I am here right now! How liberating, right!?

THE TALE OF TWO WOLVES, A BEAUTIFUL NATIVE AMERICAN PARABLE... An old  Cherokee chief teaching his grandson about life.… | Wolf quotes, American  quotes, Two wolves

Feed the animal in you which brings you joy and pleasure! Anything less is a dis-service to yourself. Take intentional action on things which are serving your greatness... you're a star!!!

XOXO,

DANI

November 27, 20197 Comments

Pay Your Respect: Bali, The Island of the Gods

I felt called to channel these words for two reasons, one, it is relevant (because it's what I am going through, which means you feel it too), and two, I developed my disposable film in which the portrayal of "ethereal oneness" was embodied in the raw moments I captured.

"Ethereal oneness" being the eternal, delicate, airy energy that surrounds us, "in between the spaces" energy which fills our cosmos. Sometimes we can't see it, other times it unfolds in a form of "coincidence", personal revelation, or simple acts of service. Whether you are present or not, it is present in you. You are connected to the person sitting across the room, the man waiting for the bus half-way around the world, the bird chirping in the Amazon forest, the fish swimming in the Pacific Ocean, the trees breathing outside... we are warm-blooded, breathing beings. We need love and nurturing, juicy colorful plants for nutrition, mineral-rich water for hydration, loving human connection, and most importantly, conscious breathing.

I first came to Bali August of 2016. Looking back at my experience, I distracted myself with the over-indulging night life, drugs, and external pleasures, leading to depression and even more suppression of my feelings. It wasn't until now, three years later, that I stepped out of the illusion I was creating and came heart to heart with my inner child.

Our life is an equal manifestation of light and dark. We are eternal beings, subconsciously striving for a balance in all areas of our existence. It is easy to consume all the bountiful fruits when the sun is shining, although, when we take a step back, we are practically drowning in the sensory overload of the illusion. We are surrounded by lush pleasure, but, we are also surrounded by darkness, which we have been suppressing in our own life.

If we keep running, how will we integrate and understand our heart's desires? Bali will greet you (if she hasn't already), at the golden gateway and it may not be as shimmering as you previously fantasized it to be.
Take a sacred pause and honor what you feel right now.

We are all scared and feel all types of ways, its part of our human experience. You are beginning to wake up. You are becoming more conscious of the world around you. Your inner world is a reflection of your outer world. Do you like what you see? Are you happy with your progress? Are you scared? Do you feel worthy of the projections you created in your life?

You don't need the validation. Your feeling is the validation. Embrace yourself and pleasure in your very own existence.

Perhaps you have had bizarre experiences when your feet touch the land, serendipitous encounters, freak accidents, traumatic releases, search for self, whatever may be your calling, you are here for a reason, and that reason being valid because you are experiencing it. Put yourself first in your healing process, but also, pay your respect to the Island of the Gods.

Everything we receive is a blessing in disguise.

Honor everything that you receive. Make a prayer or short blessing. Take a moment in silence. Be still with the offering. Take a few deep breaths. Thank the universe for its presence in your hands (or for this moment if its not a physical gift). Embrace each layer of it (and of you) with compassion and love.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

The following images are a collection of what my disposable film captured in the rawness of time. To my surprise, the light decided to take a green dance all over the projections... it is what you make of it.

Gaze, ponder, shift your perspective, turn it upside down, zoom in, zoom out. See your reflection mirrored in the grain. Open your heart to her cry. Offer your heart to her existence.

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Itzi in the kitchen
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Muri and Itzi in Ubud Center
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Leo in his disguise
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The sign says meatballs but we came for the hot churros
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Lovers at sea
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Sunny niche in Uluwatu
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Marion and her film on a sunny afternoon
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Dusk in Ubud
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Water purification
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Selfie with the spirits
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Burning palo santo as an offering
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"I fill myself with love. I give it all away."


To my brothers and sisters, do not hesitate to reach out for help. You are heard. Thank you for your presence. 🙂